Cluster without Fluster
Are you locked in the Moan Zone?

By Roy Zazeraj

"Sainthood is when you can listen to someone's tale of woe and not respond with a description of your own" Andrew Mason

I'm sure you don't need convincing that modern life is cluttered, over-stimulated, worrisome and generally conducive to high levels of stress. That stress can of course be both positive and negative, but it's the negative stuff we all have a problem with (well most of us!). We are "attacked" by media messages all vying for our attention, we worry about reported shortfalls in managing agents' trust accounts, we deal with atrocious driving on our roads - the list is long. If none of this sounds like your life - congratulations. Feel welcome to join the rest of us hyped-up humanoids when you re-enter our atmosphere (but then, maybe you'd rather not). If it does sound rather like your life, you are probably normal, and you spend disproportionate and unproductive time in the ubiquitous Moan Zone.

So what's the Moan Zone?

We are invited into the Moan Zone whenever someone in our presence starts to moan, or (less likely of course), we start to moan. The Moan Zone is a thief of our scarce reserves of time and emotional energy, and a killer of good relationships. Learn to identify it and avoid it, or forever be a victim of it. The odd moan is probably normal and inconsequential, but spending too much time in the Moan Zone becomes destructive for others and ourselves.

Various factors drive this behaviour, but there is an understandable link between increasing stress levels and reducing levels of tolerance, magnanimity and patience. When tired and/or stressed, anybody or anything that does not meet our instinctive or espoused standards becomes a candidate for criticism. So we moan - about the world at large, the volatility of the rand, the owner of the residential unit next door, the noise from the restaurant that is part of our sectional title scheme, deliveries to the shops at ground level in our block, .................. (please fill in your own favourite moans here). Even worse, we insult ("what you lack in intelligence, you certainly make up for in ignorance!" we suggest sweetly to the managing agent).

We are being sucked into the dreaded Moan Zone. But does it help?

Taking constructive action to build understanding of mutual rights or correct violations of rules can certainly help. Moaning seldom does. Moaning does little to change offending behaviour (in fact it could make it worse). It can create a bad atmosphere, make everyone feel negative, lead to counter-criticism, non-cooperative behaviour and even damage your reputation. And moaning does little to make you feel good or reduce stress. It can reinforce negative thoughts and moods, make you feel a victim, diminish your self-esteem, or hang a cloud over your day. "Getting it off your chest" generally doesn't. The negatives tend to remain. The point is, nobody wins in the Moan Zone. Just for fun, let's look at the Moan Zone as a (rotten) egg, with you as the off-yellow yolk and fellow moaners as the not-so-kosher egg white (go on use your imagination). You are the centre for two reasons. Firstly, because when you come into the presence of people who moan - the white part of the zone - you have choices. You can avoid getting hooked in the moan zone (leave, disagree, only look at the positive etc) or to get sucked right in (reinforce the moan, commiserate, add your own etc) . Secondly, when you feel in the mood to moan yourself - the yellow part of the zone - you again have choices, whether the pending moan remains only in your own head or you are sharing it with others. Avoid it (suppress the thought, listen to dissenting voices, reword it to accentuate the positive) or go ahead and have that "jolly good moan". Jolly good moans seldom are - even if you are just venting off to a third party.

In both cases, if you choose to avoid the moan, you stay outside the unforgiving shell of the Moan Zone. That's good. Get sucked in (yes I know you normally suck things out of an egg!) and you increase the rottenness in your interactions with others or just in your own head. And things can get really scrambled in there! If you are having difficulty accepting any of this, just think of one person you know who moans all the time - and the effect it has on them and those around them! You (a rare possibility) could even be one of them?

There is a great deal of advantage to you, your loved ones, your neighbours and your Body Corporate if you could all just get better at recognising and avoiding the all-pervasive Moan Zone. Start with yourself - even when you feel the moan is really justified. Well, it might be, but it seldom worth it. Rather walk away from it, mentally or physically, or convert it to constructive problem resolution. Seek the positive in everything - that is always worth it.

And when your fellow man (or should that be person?) makes you shake your head in wonder, remember that old piece of graffiti wisdom...

"Support bacteria - its the only culture some people will ever have".